| I can't help that |
[Jan. 23rd, 2011|11:58 pm] |
- I get bored easily.
- I like to win. So if i lose, i'll feel sad because i lost, not because I actually want you.
- I manipulate my feelings well.
- I get bitchy and annoyed by commuters on the train
- I just want to get out of singapore.
|
|
|
| This is when life starts |
[Dec. 21st, 2010|06:00 pm] |
I think it hit me late.
That now is the time we actually have fun.
All the years before, when we had school, our holidays were only short breaks of breaths we were allowed to take before we were thrown back under the waters, left to drown under the weight of school work, projects, exams, school politics and all that uniform crap. We've never really actually had a good break before. And NOW is the break. Now is the transition between when we are kept in a dome and let out into the jungle. School was stupid, but at least it minimized alot of the problems we will eventually face. And between now and when we come out to work, it's only a few more years of fun. Cuz then after that we grow old and boobs sag and everything. But for these next 5 to 10 years, It's gonna be the prime of our lives, the time where we collect the bulk of our life's memories, stories that we'll tell our grandchildren, or the the next door neighbour's children, experiences that we will look back upon. And i am so fucking excited.
Because these 2 to 3 years will be the time when we meet the most people, get into the most dramatic events, see the worst/best of people and be allowed to get into all the trouble.
And i think i've only started to really accept the fact that life has so many more options that what we used to think we have.
Singapore's government is not going to limit the possibilities the world has for me. So fuck you kwan yew. Okay sorry, actually not your fault, but you're a general representative of the governing system we have. So fuck you.
Anwwwww, cameron's weather was lovely and i miss it already.
I just wrote down all the dates for upcoming fleas and i think i can safely count on them to stock up my wardrobe.
Well there's still the usual shopping at the other shops, but the fleas are good and cheap. Until i can get a steady income, i'm still gonna shop cheap. Because i hardly even wear most of the stuff i buy. I don't get idiots who ONLY wear branded stuff. I mean, come on. You seriously think you're paying for quality? Half the time you're paying for the brand. They're all made in the same place, CHINA. So shut the fuck up and stop pretending like you're some richass wanna be. I mean, i get that some brands really do have the pretty designs and all, but clothes are clothes, if you have good taste, you can wear ANYTHING and look good.
Moving on, have been drinking too much. Honestly don't feel like going to chips tonight but miss my friends. So will go.
Working for my mom. Always not that much of a bad thing, cuz i get money AND the flexible hours. Gonna sign up at a tuition agency too.
And sign up for my BTT soon too. Need to start my exercise plans. Too unfit to do anything now.
Love my new cactuses! |
|
|
| Short attention spans |
[Dec. 12th, 2010|09:30 am] |
I can't help it if i get bored easily.
Sometimes i think my morals are really all switched around. In movies that i've been recently watching, I find myself saying " that's not that bad what, she could have been sluttier"
And some people just don't understand how you can just divide emotions. Literally. like rationally. Well maybe im speaking too fast. But who gives a fuck, i'm having a helluva good time after A's now. And even tho i know i probably don't deserve it, and my grades will probably serve to kick my ass I;m working towards not caring and seeing life as a tray of shots. Just drinking it all down, caring about the hangovers later.
Because IN CASE YOU FORGOT, LIFE IS FUCKING SHORT!
I'm so happy i have all my friends to have fun with heheh.
Cameron tomorrow! Alcohol's gonna be our best friend. |
|
|
| What we will always never really understand. |
[Nov. 11th, 2010|05:51 pm] |
So, everyone seems to be talking about Love, relationships, yadda yadda.
Frankly i've never really been able to experience anything. I could have fooled myself and told myself Yes. But i know, No. Because when i listen to people talking about the kind of happiness or sadness they go through? They're unfamiliar to me.
I think I manipulate so much of what i allow myself to feel or think, then everything can seem artificial.
And then the question is what will be real? How would I ever know, Do i WANT to know?
There are only a few more years of youth ( ok maybe 10? ) i can use as an excuse to say no to love. ( i cringe using that word )
So maybe i'll just make good use of them and think about them later. (moving that aside)
A levels is more than a pineapple up my ass ( from some movie i forogt )
It is the waiting that kills me. The knowing i have to get off my ass. If not there wouldn't be a difference between A's and AFTER A's cuz i do the same things anyway. Watch Tv, eat, sleep.............the only thing is i am NOT GOING TO STAY AT HOME I SWEAR.
Ok well im pretty sure i still will, but i hate these walls already. I wanna get out to shop yadda yadda crap.
19 days. We're moving alright.
Got to school on the first day and saw this friend of mine. She seemed rather hostile, has been acting like this for the past coupla weeks?? Like hot and cold hot and cold, well maybe it's just me but i dont see her acting this way to anyone else.
I got abit affected at first cuz i thought we were friends, like those who will still acknowledge each other and be courteous. But she just seemed cold and distant. So i walk away..........trying not to think about it and then i stumble upon my group of friends in the canteen and it felt like someone was catching me as i tripped. It felt like there was a warm fuzzy cliche feeling overcoming me, wrapping around and saying " hey you've got us". I don't really talk about it but i'm really glad i've met this group of friends in CJ to make me feel like i belong somewhere. I love you guys. <3 |
|
|
| Really? A levels? |
[Oct. 31st, 2010|11:37 am] |
So..........................................I really am not ready for A's.
See there are people who say that when they actually kinda are. And there are people who're really screwed up like me.
I guess it's time to look at alternatives.
A gap year? International U at KL? SIM? ( God no please ) Maybe.......quit studying and be world traveller surviving from job to job?
I don't know.
But i don't know sounds quite exciting actually. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2010|04:03 pm] |
|
Today shall not start with a title. I realize ive always wanted to start with titles because it looks more proper, or gives a sense of planning. So that whatever i think or feel might be related to the title. But no, i've learnt that my thoughts are always all over the place. I can jump from thinking of how somebody might just die infront of me to thinking of eating chicken soup for dinner. There are no connections in my mind sometimes.
I feel my emotions don't connect to my thoughts at all. I can sift out my emotions from my actions and many people don't understand how but.....neither do I. Some may say it's a high level of insecurity of denial. I don't know. Don't really care either because im actually enjoying my life alot now. Even tho there are A levels and i'm still blogging even after NOT studying for the past 3 hours of day dreaming and multi tasking ( facebook, twitter, not inclusive of studying at all) , I feel like i'm more receptive to alternative routes. Like taking a gap year to work and then going to australia maybe? Or going to the international uni in KL. Or going into NIE......................................okay maybe not. But yeah. I don't feel like i'm obliged to follow the conventional route set up by our government like 45 years ago. Then i start thinking bout how everything is gonna change after this year.
We always complain about having to go to school, having to wear a uniform or having to study. But the truth is school is the place where we make our best friends for life. It bounds us together in the same experiences and the same environment so it kinda shapes the way we think, the way we feel or maybe just bring like-minded people into different cliques or groups. And that's what i'm gonna miss about school. When we're out there in the world, people aren't obliged to be friends with anyone because it's gonna be you, on your own. You can choose to be in your own world and no one's gonna nudge you to wake up in class, ask you along to the toilet, chat with you during breaks. I mean. I'm really gonna miss my friends.
Everyone seems to be having different plans. And i think i've never really thought about how our lives are all gonna change. We're all gonna be in different countries, meeting different people, drinking from different coffee companies, living different livestyles, looking at different landscapes. Will we still be the same?
When i think about the future. I struggle to let go of the present.
|
|
|
| Thank God for Friends |
[Oct. 18th, 2010|10:56 pm] |
|
So 21 days, gonna be 20 in an hour. I feel like if i can't do it, it's not the end of the world. As in i've always known there are alternatives.
But am i really willing to give up the short cut to take the path that is less taken?
The one without a path, just a forested area, full of uncertainties yet also perhaps more hope?
At least it's not a straight route where you can see the end goal even before you get to it.
Maybe sometimes turning around the bend to find a mountain or find a breathtaking view of a sunset might be better, might be for me.
But then again, that's if i actually don't do as well as i need to. Let's hope fortune's on my side.
Or at least somehow, there is a feeling inside me that tells me everything will be fine. I will make it work eventually. That gives me comfort.
Gonna book air tickets to Australia and settle Cameron. Am v.v.v. excited. Feels really great that i have smth to sort of distract me away from A levels.
New fav song.
Everybody but me - Lykke Li
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.7){kind=small}
makemeyell's journal
